Note to the Parents part 3

When my son Nick was three years old, his teacher took ill and left mid year.  Her replacement was nice, but Nick soon realized that something was amuck.  One day he walked out of his classroom and into my office (I was the preschool director), and he said, "Momma. Talk to me." 

I asked him what he wanted to talk about.  "It doesn't matter", he said, "Just let's talk."  

See, Nick's teacher, before she left, encouraged him to talk all day long.  She would ask the class questions about everything and anything, and even let them negotiate clean up routines, schedule changes, etc.  The class belonged to the children, too, and Nick thrived in that environment.  This new teacher, however, didn't think that way, and the class was expected to follow rules and talk about things that really weren't relevant to my son. 

Incredibly perceptive, Nick.
And a great lesson for momma, too. 


We know that having ample time to explore in an environment that is rich with materials is a wonderful gift we can give our children.  However, equally important is the quality of the interactions we have with them.

The article "Fertile Minds" from our last posts explained that, while a child is born with their neurons formed, the WIRING of the dendrites that come from the neurons doesn't occur until after birth.  What makes the wiring stong? 

Experiences. 
Experiences with people. 
Experiences with live people, not tv.
Experiences with live people who are talking to them, not to other adults. 

In a 2004 statement to the Subcommittee on Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services of the Committee on Health, Education, Labor and Pensions, Dr. Joy D. Osofsky, President of the Board of Directors of Zero to Three shared,

"Infants and toddlers who are able to develop secure attachments

are observed to be more  mature and positive in their interactions

 with adults and peers than children who lack secure attachments...

Those who do not have an opportunity to form a secure attachment

with a trusted adult...suffer grave consequences. Their development

can deteriorate, resulting in delays in cognition and learning..." 

In short, our children need consistent, responsive and affectionate care.  

What does that look like in a preschool setting?

1.  Adults speak WITH the children, not just TO them. 

• Some teachers use their classroom time conversations for caregiving routines (wash your hands, pick up the blocks, let's clean up before lunch, etc.)                                                          
• Others use this time to encourage children's thoughts and ideas.  (What do you think will happen if you added this to that?  Why did you choose those colors?  How did you come to that conclusion?)   
• And still others use this time to also encourage conversations with peers.  (Bobby, can you please share with Sarah how you built your airport?) 

You are looking for a balance of power in conversations.  Mostly, those that encourage thinking and communicating with others.

(In case you were wondering, yes, there are ways to set up the classroom and home so that the caregiving routine conversations aren't the mainstay of conversation. Email me, I can help!) 

2.  Children feel safe to share their thoughts and ideas, without judgement or ridicule by others. 

Sounds easy enough, right?  But what about the little girl who doesn't want to touch fingerpaint?  Does the teacher say  "It's okay, sweetie, you can do it.  Just "buck up" and stick your fingers in the paint. The other kids are doing it, and I know can." 

No one is yelling at her, yet what messages are we sending? 

You are looking for an answer that encourages and supports. In this case, the teacher might offer her options like touching one finger to the edge of the paper first, or giving her a glove to cover her hand before trying, etc.  If it doesn't work, the next response could be "No problem, Sara, we will find another way use the paints that works for you, and we can try this whenever you are ready."

3.  Children are able to express their feelings.  

We cry.  Children cry.  We are all allowed to cry.  No one should tell your child that it's not OK to cry. There is a reason she is crying. There are things we can do to figure out why she's crying, and how to help her.  Not all crying is manipulative, and what appears to be manipulative crying is there for a reason, so let's work this through and help the child. 

(If you or the teacher can't figure this out, contact me.  That's what I do for a living.)

For Dr. Osofsky's statement to the SAMHS committee:
http://main.zerotothree.org/site/DocServer/imhtestimony.pdf?docID=1286

Amazing how that works...

I do facepainting on the weekends.  It allows me to hang out with my husband who is a magician and balloon artist.(http://www.balloonsbyjon.com/).  It also gives me a chance to observe children and parents together.

I learn a great deal at birthday parties.

Yesterday was awesome.

This party had a petting zoo and bounce house in addition to our entertainment.  The moms and some of the kids played outside with the pigs and goats while the other children and their fathers were inside with the balloons and facepainting. 

I must share: At many of the parties, I notice that the dads are usually busy talking "dad talk", and sneaking out of the room to watch the game. This generally leaves the young children in line by themselves. 

Not here.

These dads stayed with their children, and seemed to genuinely enjoy their company.

A 2 year old boy, looking at the pictures of facepainting options, pointed to the face of flowers. I half-expected dad to suggest the spider man or dragon, but this dad simply asked "what color flowers, bud?"

Another dad, noticing that his 3 year old daughter was scared, quickly asked her if she would let him go first.  As I was painting a soccer ball on dad's face, he made comments like, "wow this is kind of tickly, but it's okay", and gave his daughter the thumbs up sign.  It worked.  She hopped up on the chair when he was done, and told me her face was "tickly."  :)

One dad asked his son if he wanted to have matching pirate faces. 

But that's not all I saw.

The children were happy and well behaved.  They waited nicely for their turn and they even thanked me when they were done.  Jon told me he had a similar experience, too.

Hmmm....the children who were given attention and time were the best behaved children.
Go figure...

Note to the Parents (part two)

On February 3, 1997, Time magazine came out with a special report on children's brain development. The issue had pet scan pictures of the brain's wiring, landmark study results, interviews with scientists, and anecdotal stories.

This issue changed my professional life.

The lead article, "FERTILE MINDS", written by J. Madeline Nash, brought to our attention that brains are wired at such an incredibly fast speed and that the child's environment has a profound affect on the child's growth.  Yes, genetics are responsible for the actual wires that are present, but the environment can make a huge difference in the way those wires are connected.  Nash states "Moreover, it is becoming increasingly clear that well-designed preschool programs can help many children overcome glaring deficits in their home environment." 

Wow.  If quality programs can help children overcome glaring deficits, I wondered, how can they affect children in homes without deficits?  I began an in-depth study of early childhood environments, and continue to do so almost 14 years later.

Here's a TIP:  The environment can be broken into three areas: 

Temporal (schedules and timing)
Interactions (among all adults and peers), and
Physical Environment

What to look for in terms of the TEMPORAL environment.

Look for a program that understands children and is
flexible enough to accommodate all children.

Children need time to learn, explore and play on their own in a rich classroom environment.  Time to gain control over the materials, time to practice social skills. Determining what is the appropriate amount of free time a child needs is as confusing as figuring out how old you are in doggy years.  Children's timetables are not the same as adults.  When they are done, they are done.  Not when the buzzer rings.  This means that for some children, ten minutes in the blocks may be all they need today, but to others, 45 minutes may still not be enough. A well-designed preschool program recognizes these needs, and makes accommodations so all children's needs are met.

Look for a program with at least one hour of

classroom play every morning and every afternoon.

Specials like gym, Spanish and music can be interesting, engaging and even educational, but be cautious that they don't take over the classroom's schedule.  If the child has a morning special in addition to a 25 minute circle time, this can add up to over 60 minutes of group time.  Add 30 minutes for lunch, 15 for snack, and (hopefully) 30 minutes for outside play, plus time for transitions, potty breaks, etc, this could leave as little as 30 minutes of free play time opportunity in the classroom.

Look for a preschool that focuses

on the children's needs and interests.

It's normal for 4 year olds to sit in a group activity for as long as they are interested.  If they are not interested, it is completely normal for them to want to leave circle time.  It's not that they have ADHD or are rude and disrespectful, it is that their brains are looking for more interesting things to do.

When looking at a preschool, take some time to watch group activities.  Are ALL the children engaged in the activity?  Are children who are not interested allowed to seek other activities? 


 
Next time, we'll talk about interactions.  In the meantime, you can read the article "FERTILE MINDS" http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,985854-3,00.html#ixzz17ZkhwbqD

An open conversation with the parents of preschoolers

Dear Parents,

There has been a great deal of confusion among parents over what is the best kind of preschool for young children. Maybe your child's preschool:

1.  Promises that your 4 year old will leave their program reading.
2.  Fills your child's day with "specials" like music, dance, Spanish, and gym. 
3.  Decorates the classrooms with store bought posters of the alphabet, shapes and colors.
4.  Sends home crafty projects every day. 

Or maybe it offers all of the above.

Guess what?

NONE of these is representative of quality. None.

These schools are doing what they think you want, not what is best for children.
Oddly enough, the teachers want to do what is best, but are worried that you will pull your child out if you think the school isn't "academic" enough.  So they continue to perpetuate this facade.

Who am I and why am I telling you this?

I'm an early childhood specialist.  And because someone has to stop the madness. 

Pass this along to friends of yours.  Send a link to your sister-in-law, your boss...anyone with young children.
And come back soon.  We've got lots to talk about.  You bring questions.  I'll bring research.

צֶלֶם אֱלֹהִים‎‎ In the Image of God

Our children are everything.  They are our link to the past, and our connection to the future.  All that we do with and for them, therefore, reflects who we are and where we're going. 

Which explains why I sometimes worry about our future.

Now, don't get me wrong.  We're not doomed.  We CAN fix this.  We just need to make some changes. 

Including me. Beginning with this blog. 

We are told that we are created in the Image of God.  Our children come to us with their sparks of Divinity.  Let's learn from them.  Let's foster their interests.  Let's take care of our future.

Let's talk.