Note to the Parents part 3

When my son Nick was three years old, his teacher took ill and left mid year.  Her replacement was nice, but Nick soon realized that something was amuck.  One day he walked out of his classroom and into my office (I was the preschool director), and he said, "Momma. Talk to me." 

I asked him what he wanted to talk about.  "It doesn't matter", he said, "Just let's talk."  

See, Nick's teacher, before she left, encouraged him to talk all day long.  She would ask the class questions about everything and anything, and even let them negotiate clean up routines, schedule changes, etc.  The class belonged to the children, too, and Nick thrived in that environment.  This new teacher, however, didn't think that way, and the class was expected to follow rules and talk about things that really weren't relevant to my son. 

Incredibly perceptive, Nick.
And a great lesson for momma, too. 


We know that having ample time to explore in an environment that is rich with materials is a wonderful gift we can give our children.  However, equally important is the quality of the interactions we have with them.

The article "Fertile Minds" from our last posts explained that, while a child is born with their neurons formed, the WIRING of the dendrites that come from the neurons doesn't occur until after birth.  What makes the wiring stong? 

Experiences. 
Experiences with people. 
Experiences with live people, not tv.
Experiences with live people who are talking to them, not to other adults. 

In a 2004 statement to the Subcommittee on Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services of the Committee on Health, Education, Labor and Pensions, Dr. Joy D. Osofsky, President of the Board of Directors of Zero to Three shared,

"Infants and toddlers who are able to develop secure attachments

are observed to be more  mature and positive in their interactions

 with adults and peers than children who lack secure attachments...

Those who do not have an opportunity to form a secure attachment

with a trusted adult...suffer grave consequences. Their development

can deteriorate, resulting in delays in cognition and learning..." 

In short, our children need consistent, responsive and affectionate care.  

What does that look like in a preschool setting?

1.  Adults speak WITH the children, not just TO them. 

• Some teachers use their classroom time conversations for caregiving routines (wash your hands, pick up the blocks, let's clean up before lunch, etc.)                                                          
• Others use this time to encourage children's thoughts and ideas.  (What do you think will happen if you added this to that?  Why did you choose those colors?  How did you come to that conclusion?)   
• And still others use this time to also encourage conversations with peers.  (Bobby, can you please share with Sarah how you built your airport?) 

You are looking for a balance of power in conversations.  Mostly, those that encourage thinking and communicating with others.

(In case you were wondering, yes, there are ways to set up the classroom and home so that the caregiving routine conversations aren't the mainstay of conversation. Email me, I can help!) 

2.  Children feel safe to share their thoughts and ideas, without judgement or ridicule by others. 

Sounds easy enough, right?  But what about the little girl who doesn't want to touch fingerpaint?  Does the teacher say  "It's okay, sweetie, you can do it.  Just "buck up" and stick your fingers in the paint. The other kids are doing it, and I know can." 

No one is yelling at her, yet what messages are we sending? 

You are looking for an answer that encourages and supports. In this case, the teacher might offer her options like touching one finger to the edge of the paper first, or giving her a glove to cover her hand before trying, etc.  If it doesn't work, the next response could be "No problem, Sara, we will find another way use the paints that works for you, and we can try this whenever you are ready."

3.  Children are able to express their feelings.  

We cry.  Children cry.  We are all allowed to cry.  No one should tell your child that it's not OK to cry. There is a reason she is crying. There are things we can do to figure out why she's crying, and how to help her.  Not all crying is manipulative, and what appears to be manipulative crying is there for a reason, so let's work this through and help the child. 

(If you or the teacher can't figure this out, contact me.  That's what I do for a living.)

For Dr. Osofsky's statement to the SAMHS committee:
http://main.zerotothree.org/site/DocServer/imhtestimony.pdf?docID=1286