Note to the Parents part 3

When my son Nick was three years old, his teacher took ill and left mid year.  Her replacement was nice, but Nick soon realized that something was amuck.  One day he walked out of his classroom and into my office (I was the preschool director), and he said, "Momma. Talk to me." 

I asked him what he wanted to talk about.  "It doesn't matter", he said, "Just let's talk."  

See, Nick's teacher, before she left, encouraged him to talk all day long.  She would ask the class questions about everything and anything, and even let them negotiate clean up routines, schedule changes, etc.  The class belonged to the children, too, and Nick thrived in that environment.  This new teacher, however, didn't think that way, and the class was expected to follow rules and talk about things that really weren't relevant to my son. 

Incredibly perceptive, Nick.
And a great lesson for momma, too. 


We know that having ample time to explore in an environment that is rich with materials is a wonderful gift we can give our children.  However, equally important is the quality of the interactions we have with them.

The article "Fertile Minds" from our last posts explained that, while a child is born with their neurons formed, the WIRING of the dendrites that come from the neurons doesn't occur until after birth.  What makes the wiring stong? 

Experiences. 
Experiences with people. 
Experiences with live people, not tv.
Experiences with live people who are talking to them, not to other adults. 

In a 2004 statement to the Subcommittee on Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services of the Committee on Health, Education, Labor and Pensions, Dr. Joy D. Osofsky, President of the Board of Directors of Zero to Three shared,

"Infants and toddlers who are able to develop secure attachments

are observed to be more  mature and positive in their interactions

 with adults and peers than children who lack secure attachments...

Those who do not have an opportunity to form a secure attachment

with a trusted adult...suffer grave consequences. Their development

can deteriorate, resulting in delays in cognition and learning..." 

In short, our children need consistent, responsive and affectionate care.  

What does that look like in a preschool setting?

1.  Adults speak WITH the children, not just TO them. 

• Some teachers use their classroom time conversations for caregiving routines (wash your hands, pick up the blocks, let's clean up before lunch, etc.)                                                          
• Others use this time to encourage children's thoughts and ideas.  (What do you think will happen if you added this to that?  Why did you choose those colors?  How did you come to that conclusion?)   
• And still others use this time to also encourage conversations with peers.  (Bobby, can you please share with Sarah how you built your airport?) 

You are looking for a balance of power in conversations.  Mostly, those that encourage thinking and communicating with others.

(In case you were wondering, yes, there are ways to set up the classroom and home so that the caregiving routine conversations aren't the mainstay of conversation. Email me, I can help!) 

2.  Children feel safe to share their thoughts and ideas, without judgement or ridicule by others. 

Sounds easy enough, right?  But what about the little girl who doesn't want to touch fingerpaint?  Does the teacher say  "It's okay, sweetie, you can do it.  Just "buck up" and stick your fingers in the paint. The other kids are doing it, and I know can." 

No one is yelling at her, yet what messages are we sending? 

You are looking for an answer that encourages and supports. In this case, the teacher might offer her options like touching one finger to the edge of the paper first, or giving her a glove to cover her hand before trying, etc.  If it doesn't work, the next response could be "No problem, Sara, we will find another way use the paints that works for you, and we can try this whenever you are ready."

3.  Children are able to express their feelings.  

We cry.  Children cry.  We are all allowed to cry.  No one should tell your child that it's not OK to cry. There is a reason she is crying. There are things we can do to figure out why she's crying, and how to help her.  Not all crying is manipulative, and what appears to be manipulative crying is there for a reason, so let's work this through and help the child. 

(If you or the teacher can't figure this out, contact me.  That's what I do for a living.)

For Dr. Osofsky's statement to the SAMHS committee:
http://main.zerotothree.org/site/DocServer/imhtestimony.pdf?docID=1286

Amazing how that works...

I do facepainting on the weekends.  It allows me to hang out with my husband who is a magician and balloon artist.(http://www.balloonsbyjon.com/).  It also gives me a chance to observe children and parents together.

I learn a great deal at birthday parties.

Yesterday was awesome.

This party had a petting zoo and bounce house in addition to our entertainment.  The moms and some of the kids played outside with the pigs and goats while the other children and their fathers were inside with the balloons and facepainting. 

I must share: At many of the parties, I notice that the dads are usually busy talking "dad talk", and sneaking out of the room to watch the game. This generally leaves the young children in line by themselves. 

Not here.

These dads stayed with their children, and seemed to genuinely enjoy their company.

A 2 year old boy, looking at the pictures of facepainting options, pointed to the face of flowers. I half-expected dad to suggest the spider man or dragon, but this dad simply asked "what color flowers, bud?"

Another dad, noticing that his 3 year old daughter was scared, quickly asked her if she would let him go first.  As I was painting a soccer ball on dad's face, he made comments like, "wow this is kind of tickly, but it's okay", and gave his daughter the thumbs up sign.  It worked.  She hopped up on the chair when he was done, and told me her face was "tickly."  :)

One dad asked his son if he wanted to have matching pirate faces. 

But that's not all I saw.

The children were happy and well behaved.  They waited nicely for their turn and they even thanked me when they were done.  Jon told me he had a similar experience, too.

Hmmm....the children who were given attention and time were the best behaved children.
Go figure...

Note to the Parents (part two)

On February 3, 1997, Time magazine came out with a special report on children's brain development. The issue had pet scan pictures of the brain's wiring, landmark study results, interviews with scientists, and anecdotal stories.

This issue changed my professional life.

The lead article, "FERTILE MINDS", written by J. Madeline Nash, brought to our attention that brains are wired at such an incredibly fast speed and that the child's environment has a profound affect on the child's growth.  Yes, genetics are responsible for the actual wires that are present, but the environment can make a huge difference in the way those wires are connected.  Nash states "Moreover, it is becoming increasingly clear that well-designed preschool programs can help many children overcome glaring deficits in their home environment." 

Wow.  If quality programs can help children overcome glaring deficits, I wondered, how can they affect children in homes without deficits?  I began an in-depth study of early childhood environments, and continue to do so almost 14 years later.

Here's a TIP:  The environment can be broken into three areas: 

Temporal (schedules and timing)
Interactions (among all adults and peers), and
Physical Environment

What to look for in terms of the TEMPORAL environment.

Look for a program that understands children and is
flexible enough to accommodate all children.

Children need time to learn, explore and play on their own in a rich classroom environment.  Time to gain control over the materials, time to practice social skills. Determining what is the appropriate amount of free time a child needs is as confusing as figuring out how old you are in doggy years.  Children's timetables are not the same as adults.  When they are done, they are done.  Not when the buzzer rings.  This means that for some children, ten minutes in the blocks may be all they need today, but to others, 45 minutes may still not be enough. A well-designed preschool program recognizes these needs, and makes accommodations so all children's needs are met.

Look for a program with at least one hour of

classroom play every morning and every afternoon.

Specials like gym, Spanish and music can be interesting, engaging and even educational, but be cautious that they don't take over the classroom's schedule.  If the child has a morning special in addition to a 25 minute circle time, this can add up to over 60 minutes of group time.  Add 30 minutes for lunch, 15 for snack, and (hopefully) 30 minutes for outside play, plus time for transitions, potty breaks, etc, this could leave as little as 30 minutes of free play time opportunity in the classroom.

Look for a preschool that focuses

on the children's needs and interests.

It's normal for 4 year olds to sit in a group activity for as long as they are interested.  If they are not interested, it is completely normal for them to want to leave circle time.  It's not that they have ADHD or are rude and disrespectful, it is that their brains are looking for more interesting things to do.

When looking at a preschool, take some time to watch group activities.  Are ALL the children engaged in the activity?  Are children who are not interested allowed to seek other activities? 


 
Next time, we'll talk about interactions.  In the meantime, you can read the article "FERTILE MINDS" http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,985854-3,00.html#ixzz17ZkhwbqD

An open conversation with the parents of preschoolers

Dear Parents,

There has been a great deal of confusion among parents over what is the best kind of preschool for young children. Maybe your child's preschool:

1.  Promises that your 4 year old will leave their program reading.
2.  Fills your child's day with "specials" like music, dance, Spanish, and gym. 
3.  Decorates the classrooms with store bought posters of the alphabet, shapes and colors.
4.  Sends home crafty projects every day. 

Or maybe it offers all of the above.

Guess what?

NONE of these is representative of quality. None.

These schools are doing what they think you want, not what is best for children.
Oddly enough, the teachers want to do what is best, but are worried that you will pull your child out if you think the school isn't "academic" enough.  So they continue to perpetuate this facade.

Who am I and why am I telling you this?

I'm an early childhood specialist.  And because someone has to stop the madness. 

Pass this along to friends of yours.  Send a link to your sister-in-law, your boss...anyone with young children.
And come back soon.  We've got lots to talk about.  You bring questions.  I'll bring research.

צֶלֶם אֱלֹהִים‎‎ In the Image of God

Our children are everything.  They are our link to the past, and our connection to the future.  All that we do with and for them, therefore, reflects who we are and where we're going. 

Which explains why I sometimes worry about our future.

Now, don't get me wrong.  We're not doomed.  We CAN fix this.  We just need to make some changes. 

Including me. Beginning with this blog. 

We are told that we are created in the Image of God.  Our children come to us with their sparks of Divinity.  Let's learn from them.  Let's foster their interests.  Let's take care of our future.

Let's talk.

L-O-V-E to P-L-A-Y

I am writing a book as an independent study project. It is about the workings of a preschool from the eyes of it's Preschool Director. This woman loves to change the lyrics of popular songs in order to emphasize certain points to teachers, parents and children. This song, her newest, is in response to the misinformed parents' lament that learning and play are antonyms.

The tune is to the song "L-O-V-E", made famous by Nat King Cole. I've attached the video to help you get the tune in your mind.

P is cause you will PRETEND with me,

L is LAUGHING cause it's fun, you see,

A is ADMIRATION for your imagination

Y is YES I'll share and maybe even cut your hair (oh!)



PLAY is what I want to do with you!

PLAY is how I make my world ring true,

Let me play and find the

Answers that are in my mind oh

PLAY is what I need to do!



Blocks is where I go to build a town,

Please come join me just don't knock it down!
Then we'll go to easles,

(Not so close we could get measles!)

PLAY is what I like to do!



Mom is asking what I did today,

She wants me to answer more than "Play",

She can't see that playing's

How the learning's staying,

I remember more than ever now that I'm exploring'...



PLAY is what I want to do with you.

PLAY is how I make my world ring true.

Let me play and find the

Answers that are in my mind, oh

PLAY is what I need to do!

Blast from the Past

In 2007 I started my first blog, playforaliving.org. I wrote in it a couple of times then totally forgot about it when things got busy. This one LOOOOOONG post has some of those postings.

10/30/2007 Why is my mommy not here?

It's a wonder I ever became an ECE professional. What I really wanted was to become a spy. In college I took foreign language classes, read Kafka, wore sunglasses inside...the whole nine yards. I just thought that maybe someone at the CIA would decide that a chubbie, giggly, talkative operative would be just what they needed! I waited and waited for that mysterious tap on my shoulder to indicate that I had been selected. Nope, never happened. What's a girl to do? I changed my mind. I'll become an interpreter! I talk so fast in English, imagine how efficient I would be with other languages!

Oh...I could see it now, me....a high powered interpreter. I saw myself working at the UN, wearing suits with high heels, carrying a briefcase and talking to world leaders in French and Russian. (This fantasy was so rich that I would try on suits at the mall, just so that I was prepared, in case the UN couldn't wait and wanted me to start while I was still in college!)I will never forget the day that my mom changed my life. I had come home one weekend, and she took me out to lunch. She told me that being an interpreter for the UN was a very important career and that she was proud of me for pursuing something, however, maybe I should be taking Education classes so that I would have something to fall back on.

Huh? Education classes? Me? On campus we called Education courses Mickey Mouse classes because they were so easy and trivial. I might as well take basket weaving..... But, one never argued with my mom. Actually, I'ver heard of people who did, but I am not sure they lived to tell about it.... My first class was multi-cultural understanding, and when my professor told us that children are a product of not just their family but of the environment they learn in, I was hooked. Something clicked and I never looked back.Thank G-d and mom.

Now, onto my comment for today.

This Sunday at 2am is when we set the clocks forward. It will get darker earlier on Monday. Jimmy's mom usually picks up Jimmy at 4:30, and Jimmy knows this because at that same time every day, the sky has a certain color. Now, at 3:30, the sky is going to have that same color and mom is not going to be there to pick up Jimmy. This is not good if you are Jimmy. But you, fair teacher, are aware! Being aware of this is half the battle. Make sure on Monday you discuss the time change with the children, (not in an overwhelmingly boring circle time, but in small groups.) If your children tend to rely upon looking out the window for their folks, be sensitive to their plight. Re-remind them about the sky getting darker earlier around 3:00 so they are prepared. You are such a great teacher!

12/27/2007 In Celebration of 10

Whoo hoo! We have 10 subscribers to our blog! In honor of 10, I thought I'd give you a 10 of my own.

Here are 10 things I learned this year:

10. A dog is a blessing wrapped in layers of hair.

9. Walking isn't such scary exercise.

8. Young children need to be included in the design of your classroom.

7. If you ever lose track of your goals, take a break and start again.

6. If you tye dye in your washing machine, be prepared for several loads of pink clothing afterwards.

5. A toddler is capable of dancing well into the night, long after the grown ups are exhausted.

4. When making peanut brittle, following the directions EXACTLY or suffer the consequence.

3. The tags on your clothing contain useful information; read them before washing sweaters.

2. You don't really need to know EVERYTHING that your teenager does.

1. If you fall asleep every time you read, maybe you just needed to sleep.

Happy New Year! May the best of 2007 be the worst of 2008.

1/15/2008 It's all in a day's work.

My morning with a 2 year old....So, I go into a class room of 2 year olds and am introduced to the class by the teacher who says, 'This is my friend, Miss DJ, and she is very nice." I walk next to Bobby, who immediately looks at me, smiles and says, "Did I poop my pants?" He says it the same way you might ask yourself, "Did I leave the coffee pot on?" You know, not too worried, but a bit contemplative. I look at this 2 1/2 foot foot tall little man and say " Well, gee, I don't know, do you want me to check?" Without a beat, he says "Sure", and stands up and puts his tush in front of my face. I very seriously take a sniff. (Of course, only praying that he didn't indeed poop his pants, or that sniff could have made me very uncomfortable!) With relief I announce "Nope, your good to go." He says, "good', and we high five. OK, this little guy is now my best friend.

We sit down next to each other along with the others for a brief circle time, and we hear the teacher tell a story. As she speaks, I get a case of the giggles. Yes me, getting the giggles. I know that I am supposed to be there observing another child, but for some reason, this little guy's attitude tickled me and I just could stop giggling. I look over at him and he smiles. Then the funniest thing happend. He starts laughing. Not giggling, laughing. Loud. He starts to slap his legs and hold his belly as he roars with laughter. I cannot contain myself any longer and start to laugh so hard that I begin to cry. I actually had to get up and leave the area in order to contain myself. I love this business!







1/16/2008


I want to share with you something great that happened yesterday. I teach a small part of the "we are about to become parents" class several times a year. Last night I had 10 sets of new parents. Usually I just share brain delevopment stuff. However, for some reason I was feeling a bit cocky. You might say I was on a roll. I made jokes, played around with them, and then decided to go for the big guns. Here we are, talking about brain development, and how the first 5 years are the most critical for social and emotional growth. I assure them that the teachers in our system understand the importance of developmentally apporpriate learning, but just in case, "if you ever go into a school and the director/teacher tells you that they teach reading and do worksheets in the 4's room, then you just turn around and run out of there and never look back!"



Well, I have to tell you....these parents were hooked! I watched as they took notes reminding them to read and sing to their children, to severly limit tv and videos, and to promise to help each other when one of them falls into the trap of "pushing the academics too early." I even heard one dad say to his wife as left the room, "well, we'll just turn around and not look back!"10 families educated, 8 million to go. Get me on Oprah!

The benefits of reflecting with a child

I went to a school last week and met a 4 year old boy who was sitting on the couch in the office. I asked him what we was doing there. He frowned and shook his head. "I'm in time out."

Here is the rest of our conversation:

Me: What? You? Why?

Him: (still frowning) I don't know.

Me: (still shocked) Was there an al-ter-ca-tion?

Him: (thinks for a moment) Yes. Yes there was.

Me: Did someone get hurt?

Him: Yes! Someone did! I hit ____.

Me: Oh....

Him: But she hit me first!

Me: Ah, I see. Wow.

Him: I know....

(Both of us are quiet for a moment.)

Me: So, if someone hits you again, what do you think you can do?

Him: (sighs heavily) I'm gonna tell Miss ___ next time.

Me: Good idea. Then you will probably get to stay in your classroom. Don't you think it would be more fun to be in your class rather than out here?

Him: (thinks for a moment) Well, if I'm talking to YOU out here, that's better than being in my class!


It was a great day... :)